Battle Scars

As I may or may not have mentioned in the past, I have frequent visitors at my humble abode. Thankfully, I have limited their visits to outside my door - and so far, few have made it inside. Some of my more distinguished guests have been of the slug, centipede, fly, mosquito and most recently, cricket families.  As flattered as I am, these are by no means welcome guests. Hence, every evening ... as I walk down the stairs ... waiting for the motion sensor light to activate ... I am in full fighting position, which often means I'm ready to retreat at a second's notice (call me the cowardly lion). I have found that this tactic is in the spirit of live and let live - meaning, within a few seconds of the lights coming on, they all scatter ... but secretly hope to sneak in with me.

Every once in a while, however, I am faced with some less subtle personalities - and it is at that time, that I must do battle to enter the home.

Last night, I took my usual approach - admittedly, I had let my guard down since in the past few weeks I haven't had anything to worry about. I was on the phone, getting some last minute things together for WWRW Part Duex. Just as the lights came on, I saw two camel crickets bolt -- and they bolted STRAIGHT at me! With a quiet yelp, I retreated ... but dropped my phone in shock ... it landed right next to Camel 1. My next tactic is usually to wave things around, and that usually freaks them out enough to retreat quietly - and it worked for Camel 2. Camel 1 however, thought it wise to spring at me again ... thinking, in its tiny little brain, that it could spook me ... silly silly. Although I retreated slightly, I was looking for the kill ... plus, I needed to rescue my phone, which incidentally was still connected to the other caller. I didn't realize this until I heard a faint "Hello ..." (which of course spooked me coz I thought the dinosaur, i.e. my phone, had died!)

Anyhoo, long story short - my protective genes came out fighting, and with one mighty lunge - I ended the life of a young camel cricket.

Squash.

So you may wonder, what are my battle scars? Well, the dinosaur requires some new tape (five pieces of tape instead of four), and probably has more scratches on it after having landed on the concrete from five feet above ground. Dino's scars are my scars.

[Yes, brain cells are being depleted slowly - hence the pointless posting.]

Somebody to Love

[Note: borrowed thoughts, not a zeezai original]

They keep telling you to find somebody. It's hard to see clearly when
all your friends have their arms wrapped around another human being.

They keep telling you to find somebody, like they were sitting in a
pound (the kind that gives away soulmates), just waiting to be found.
It's not that you don't know where to look or when, you probably just
don't believe in looking. Maybe because the only time you actually
found something worth its salt was when you weren't looking. It snuck
up from behind and it changed your life. And you're the sort of person
who wears her glasses on her head and asks if anyone's seen them- so
you're grateful.

Maybe it's because the ones you'd like to find aren't hanging boards
around their necks with your name on them. Maybe they also believe in
being found instead, which would make the situation not only ironic,
but tragic too. But that's how love goes- sometimes ego gets in the
way.
Sometimes they order you to find someone, because they care and they
empathize and they only want what's best for you. But if we could find
the things we're searching just because someone ordered to us to look
harder, we'd all be searching no more.

They say you ought to find someone because the time is right. Maybe it
was never meant to be a race or a project with deadlines. Actually,
there is no time more right than the time you find this someone, or
when someone finds you or somehow something magical happens, is there?
Why don't tell you that?

Then they remind you that there is no point to be being alone, that
finding somebody is not a choice, but a necessity. But there is a
difference between necessities and luxuries. Love is a privilege, not
a necessity, companionship probably is and even that is debatable. And
they're hinting at a loss of self worth by telling you to rely on
another person as a crutch. That doesn't sound right and it probably
isn't anyway.

They tell you not to be a bitter cynic and give people the benefit of
the doubt. They tell you not to be overly critical. What they don't
know is that it is not just credible that you have the right to higher
standards, but that it is completely necessary. You see, reality is
mediocre enough as it is, without having to tone down expectations to
suit reality.

Else we'd all wake up in fulfilled dreams; what's the point of waking
up to that?

Nationalism

"There is no problem with the doctrine of nationalism in itself. It merely states that the world is divided into nations and that each nation should have its own independent sovereign state. The difficulty arises from conflicting definitions of what constitutes a nation. ... [To romantic historians], the nation has always existed, although it may well have lost its ancient independence to foreign conquerers. National identity is defined in cultural terms, more often by membership of an ethnic group speaking a common natural language. [Alternatively], liberal pluralists equate the nation with the political community. The nation is defined by the constitution and by citizenship. Ethnic and cultural identities are largely irrelevant, although ... [scholars] have argued that ... democracy is likely to prove fragile in countries where powerful ethnic communities compete to capture the state through the ballot box."

Regionalism in World Politics, p. 171-72

Shh ... Bar Exam in Progress

Ok, so the Bar isn't until Tuesday, but I wanted to post this today as a reminder to people to remember bar-takers everywhere in your duas.

Some of our smartest and brightest friends are taking this incredibly stressful exam (on Tuesday and Wednesday) after weeks of intense study ... inshaAllah their efforts will be rewarded.

Around the world ... people are reading

I decided that I wanted to partake in history. The last book in the Harry Potter series was released 33 minutes ago. The wait is over ... the end has come. But in the meanwhile, the world of magic and marvels continues for at least one more night.


"Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow! ... " "Wow - are you Rita Skeeter?" "Stop being such a MUGGLE!" "Hagrid - MOVE"

And later ... "OMG ... I HAVE IT IN MY HAND"

Yes. I was at Politics and Prose for the Harry Potter release. The place was JAM packed, there was barely space to move. I saw Hagrid, a million Hermiones and of course Harry. One woman was the spitting image of Rita Skeeter.

As the clock drew closer to midnight, the intensity and enthusiasm increased exponentially. And when the boxes were opened, and the books handed out ... there was mass chaos. To their credit, though, politics and prose did a phenomenal job of controlling the chaos. The place went from being packed to the tee, to being deserted in 25 minutes.

I went, I saw --- I was a part of history. This is the last one. The last big Harry Potter release. And the woman that I happened to strike up a conversation with as I was walking home, put it quite appropriately. She told me that she was a childrens' librarian - and nothing made her happier than to know that many thousands would be up reading tonight, and in the morning, and for at least the next few days. She, however, planned to savor the moment ... and stretch out the experience of reading a new Harry Potter book as long as she could.

The New York Times review, summed it up very nicely:

"The world of Harry Potter is a place where the mundane and the marvelous, the ordinary and the surreal coexist. It's a place where cars can fly and owls can deliver the mail, a place where paintings talk and a mirror reflects people's innermost desires. It's also a place utterly recognizable to readers, a place where death and the catastrophes of daily life are inevitable, and people's lives are defined by love and loss and hope — the same way they are in our own mortal world."

Every once in a while, we all need to retreat into the world of Harry Potter. A world where, although it "isn't split into good people and Death Eaters" its pretty damn clear where the lines are drawn. Its a world of marvel, mystery, wholesome goodness, sometimes real evil, courage and above all, a place where loyalty reigns supreme.

just a regular person ...

Sometimes we forget that we're all just regular people. Even politicians and "celebrities" are regular people. Sure some people might be smarter, or more charismatic, than others, but we're all just people. I'm often guilty of forgetting that.

This evening, I stopped by the Prose on my way home because I read that Kristen Gore was stopping by to do a book reading. Kristen Gore is Al Gore's daughter. I didn't realize who it was until I saw the title of her book, and remembered that my sister was reading it the other day. So I was like, maybe I'll stop by and listen in.

When I got to the Prose, I picked up a copy of the book, Sammy's Hill. She was actually reading from her second novel, Sammy's House. Anyhoo - I picked it up, and figured it read a little before she started so that I could get an idea of what this was all about. That way I could convince myself that I didn't just stop by because she's Al Gore's daughter :)

I found myself laughing outloud as I read the first chapter of Sammy's Hill. Sammy, in the first book, was a Hill staffer that just could not get it together (Much like myself - except moreso). She immediately reminded me of someone I used to work with, and I created a mental picture of her in my head. By the time Kristen Gore started the reading, I felt like I knew Sammy.

As she walked in, I was a little surprised - she seemed so normal, so unlike the spoiled politician-brat, sometimes conceited, sometimes know-it-all that most would envision. As she talked about the book, the characters, and then as she read from chapter one, it was almost like she was one of my friends - someone that I would consider having chats over chai with. What I mean by that is - she was very personable, very down to earth. How much of that was because of a lifetime in politics, I don't know. But she was very real, and seemed very humble.

Not really a hugely profound interaction/reading. The book sounded like alot of fun, and I plan on reading both of them. What was a little more profound was the realization that I came to - or rather, that I was reminded of - that people are just people, no matter who you are. Some people, however, are just better at being "just people" :)

Name

I was talking to a former law student (aka a lawyer) last night, and in the context of our conversation, she said - "like any good lawyer, I over think everything." And I realized at that moment that I was not alone.

All my life, I have overthought EVERYTHING (except anything related to school) and thought I was a freak, but now I realize that I've truly found my calling. Lawyers overthink everything.

Seriously though, I think alot. And in particular, I think about music. When I hear a song, if the beat catches my attention - I listen to the words. Often, as I discovered with Maroon 5, I absolutely love the beat, but when I listen to the lyrics I want to hurl. Which is why I will forever love the GooGooDolls, and Matchbox20/Rob Thomas.

The GooGooDolls sang two of my favorite songs - songs that will forever be on my list of favorites - Iris and Name. I've been listening to Name alot recently because (a) I love the guitar solo in the last minute (I think John Rzeznik played the guitar on that, and also took the lead vocals) and (b) the lyrics hit really hard.

As I was walking through Adams Morgan this evening, listening to Name, I pictured the video (this is my version of the video, I haven't actually seen the video). My interpretation of the song is that its about running away from your past and the feeling of social isolation - fearful that your past will catch up with you if you forget about it.

So, John is playing the guitar, sitting under a tree ... and there's a little girl in the tree. The video is cutting in and out from a clip of a little girl running away ... always running from something or someone ... and finally, getting to the tree. She's climbed up the tree - and is hiding up there. Hiding from the world, hiding from her past.

We all have things in our past, however small or large they are, that we hope never to have to relive or share with anyone. And we're always trying to hide from them. We've said things that we never meant to say, and did things that in retrospect should not have done. Our past sometimes isolates us, and no matter what - will always haunt us, no matter how far we run ("scars are souvenirs we never lose"). But sometimes, we want to stop running and stop hiding, and just be with someone that will protect us. Even if they don't know that they are protecting us.

"You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name"

In my head, the video ends with the little girl slipping down the tree - and sitting next to John as he plays the last chords. Coz he won't tell them her name.

Deep down inside, we all just want someone to protect us when things come crashing down, or when we fear that they will. Other times we just want to be invisible to the world. We just want to sit silently with someone that will protect our secrets, or at least - won't let anyone see us. Someone who won't tell anyone our names.

A challenge to change.

My anonymous friend has returned. And as usual, she was brimming with
inspiration - literally.

Her latest post is entitled "Make Change"

Anonymous friend has proposed a challenge for herself, and for her
family. And she's challenging everyone. And I'm taking it on.

"... I decided that I'd keep a jar sitting on my dresser, or my
kitchen counter, or my entryway table...anywhere. I would keep all the
change I found in my car, under the cushions of my couch, jingling in
my pockets and I would place it in that jar.

At that end of the month or maybe even every few months I would empty
that jar and donate that amount of money to a country where relief is
a sacred word uttered only by the incredibly lucky.

My first initiative I thought...would be Darfur. With the inhumane and
utterly disturbing things occurring in that region, I knew it was
something I could not ignore and could never be excused for not doing
my part to help stop the tragedy that is the lives of so many.

A dollars amount can help feed someone who has nothing.

I emptied my the loose change from my purse into the little butter
container I recycled and labeled "Darfur Relief."

Two dollars. Two meals...perhaps for the child dodging bullets and
hiding from rape on her way to a dirty pool of water for a drink.

I placed the container on my counter and explained my initiative to my
family at dinner.

Quietly afterwards they reached in their pockets and pulled out change
they didn't even realize they had.

Three dollars...four...five....as the change clinked and clattered in
the jar I realized how so little..can make such a real difference.

With a smile on my face, I picked up my phone and texted my fiance. I
shared the idea with him and he excitedly agreed to adopt it it
himself and pass it on.

He thought...maybe one household can only produce a small amount each
month...but if all our friends and their friends placed a little jar
labeled "Darfur Relief" on their dressers or counters or
tables...perhaps then something small could make a world of
difference...

...make a difference in the world."

Gandhi said: "be the change you wish to see in the world."

This challenge truly embodies those words.

So please - be the change.

Flying solo ...

I decided last fall that I didn't want to spend 10 weeks of my summer
at BIGLAW, for several reasons. One was that I didn't get the
"bum-around" do-good-work-for-the-little-guy first year summer. So I
figured that I'd work for the man for half the summer, and work for a
non-profit or something the second half. The way things worked out, I
got a gig with a solo practitioner who represents plaintiffs in
discrimination claims.

Monday - was day one at the solo (to be fair it was "Solo and
Associates"). And I was indeed ... flying solo. I had emailed Mr. Solo
and said that I'd be there around 9am, and he was like - cool, i'll
let Matt know. Matt and Jack (names changed OF COURSE) are two
attorneys that work with him (they're the "associates" part). Matt
doubles as the IT guy. When I met him the first time I figured he was
pretty chill and laid back, but from day one (yesterday) I picked up
some very intense vibes. He's one of those close the door and work
work work types - eeks, a little scary. I knocked on his door twice
today to ask him stuff and was a little freaked out ... anyhoo ...
this morning I was a little late, but both Matt and Jack were there,
and didn't really care. Jack was like, we don't have punch cards
around here. Jack's this older, more distinguished typa fella ... and
Matt hangs around in shorts and a t-shirt.

I get there, they show me to my office ... and Matt's like: "...so,
has solo got you working on stuff?" and I'm like, "um no." And he's
like - "oh, he said he had sent you something." I'm like, "um, nope."
Matt's like - "oh. (long pause) Oh well, he'll send you stuff - just
hang tight." So I hang tight ... for about an hour ... twiddling my
thumbs. Alone. In my office, which (btw) is FREEZING.

thank god for the internet.

But my first thought was - wow, what a rude awakening. Had BIGLAW
really spoiled me that much? So far, every job I've ever had, I've
been "trained" whether its been BIGLAW or BIGBARISTA - it was
training, training and more training ... and someone was always around
(for training of course).

Not so here. Of course, I didn't expect anything exciting or
extravagant. But a little office tour of - hey, here's the fax
machine, this is where you can print and make copies, and oh yeah,
knowing where the bathroom is is always cool.

Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

Eventually, Mr. Solo emailed me some research stuff ... which at first
was pretty straightforward, and then comes the email: "I need a copy
of Jane v. Doe ... and need it Shepardized." Ok. Got it - sent it - a
few more follow up case-retrievals (good thing i was so good at
save-file-send-file).

Finally, around 11am comes the kicker - "I need you to prepare an
appeal for BLAH ... there are two major issues." um what does an
administrative appeal look like, and um ... what's BLAH? Dang, I
really did get thrown in the deep end.

EEEKS.

Don't get me wrong - overall its been interesting stuff all round, and
apart from my coffee withdrawal, I'm doing fine. Good thing I spend
all evening w/the family - so I'm getting some social interaction. I'm
a little worried about the next few weeks, and how this social
isolation will play out. InshaAllah all will be good.

And who knows. social isolation might just be what I need.

... and so, thats the story of day 1.

Stay tuned.

As I procrastinate ...

Comment 3 to Rule 1.3 in Virginia's Code of Professional Conduct:

"Perhaps no professional shortcoming is more widely resented than procrastination. A client's interests often can be
adversely affected by the passage of time or the change of conditions ... [e]ven when the client's interests are not
affected in substance, however, unreasonable delay can cause a client needless anxiety and undermine confidence in
the lawyer's trustworthiness."

*sigh*