A balancing act ... of epidemic proportions.

For the past year or so I have researched the issue of stateless Pakistanis or Stateless Biharis – depending on which side of the coin you look at it. It started out as a research project for an advocacy group, but then transitioned into a research paper, and now an independent study. Its due next week. I have writers block.

I’m sitting here, on the swing in my backyard – looking up at the beautiful blue sky, listening to “motivational music” on my ipod, sipping my gourmet coffee. And I’m writing about refugees that have close to nothing. Refugees that have been stripped of every dignity that human beings are entitled to. Regardless of your opinion – whether human rights are designated by man or a higher power – we all recognize, or at least I hope that we recognize, that we all have certain basic rights that are defined by our humanity. I just think that its incredibly ironic though that I’m writing about it, in the enviroment that I'm in.

And - I just realized why it has been so incredibly difficult to write this paper. I’ve asserted several times that I am probably the worst representative or advocate for human rights because I just don’t have the emotional stomach to deal with these issues. I've tried so hard to make it just a paper, and write about it as if it were fictional - or remove myself so far from it that it doesn't have an effect on me.

And then I break, and am overcome with emotion.

I have to finish this paper - and do a damn good job on it. Why? Because its important for several reasons. Its important because I have credits riding on it … its also important because I am actually trying to propose a solution that might help hundreds of thousands of people. Both incredibly selfish reasons – but then again, the possibility of a solution gives one an incredible sense of power. A sense of power that is dangerous, yet necessary - especially now.

So for that reason, I’m hoping that my selfish motives outweigh my humanity – because that’s the only way I’ll finish this.