Two songs. Two Extremes.

So, I've been away from the blogosphere for a while. Its been an up and down kinda month, which is reflected in my choice of songs. Right after finals, I downloaded "Life is Beautiful" by Vega4 (I think), but focused only on the chorus - "Life is beautiful, but its complicated." Amazing how the human mind focuses on certain things. Things were a little complicated at the time, so that was what stood out, and things kinda slid downhill from there, and for most of the break my favorite song was "Into the Ocean" by Blue October.

"... I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean ...

... Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection ...

... Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground ..."

Why were things so down? I still haven't been able to put my finger on it - I think that the break was the first time that I've had a chance to slow down since starting law school last year. While I had a couple of things going on - it was probably the first time in a year and a half that I had nothing pressing to do, and was completely with myself for long periods of time - which initself is dangerous. Alot has happened in the last year and a half, between setting off on this insane career path to moving twice, to dealing with some crazy crazy emotions. After a hectic wedding, and crazy summer at home - I moved to a new city, new people, and a completely new lifestyle. After an intense year of school (probably more of an emotional rollercoaster than I originally let myself think), and an incredibly confusing (in terms of career choices) and hectic summer, I moved back to the city that I called home. And then I missed everything I left behind. Regret? Maybe a little.

Ah, regret. I'm a terrible decision maker - and it takes me forever to make decisions. The two quickest decisions that I've ever made were to move to the 'burgh, and then, to move back. Sometimes I wonder if moving back to DC was the best idea - and in some ways I think sticking around in Pittsburgh may not have been too bad. But then I think of the things that I have been exposed to here - the classes that I'm taking, the lectures that I've been able to attend, the lectures that I've been able to help coordinate ... location truly is everything. But I'm incredibly torn. I'm a person that loves having people around me ... of course I've got amazing friends in DC. But what they say is true - your friends from first year are your friends for life (ok maybe thats pushing it). I mean, it makes sense - first year was somewhat traumatizing, and the people that got you through it are the ones that stick. I am incredibly lucky to have two really fabulous friends at WCL ... but they're in their last semester. I'm really happy for them, but darn ... it totally sucks for me. I know I know ... cry me a river.

Anyhoo, lots of emotions, lots of thoughts ... and school started up again. Woo. And now I'm just swamped (yet have found time to blog ... sigh) but, and maybe this is due to the sunny weather we've been havin', but my outlook is a little more positive. I listened to "Life is Beautiful" again, and this time - paid attention to a different portion:

" ... We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Stand where you are.
We let all these moments pass us by.

It's amazing where I'm standing,
There's alot that we can give.
This is ours just for the moment,
There's alot that we can give."